Letter from Andrea

I recently left Sukyo Mahikari because I found it disempowering, fear-based, and sexist. For years I had feelings that it was this way, but I kept saying to myself "well, I like the light so I'll just focus on that and ignore the 'human' stuff." Eventually, however, the "human stuff" became too big to ignore anymore.

What really helped me turn that corner was reading the Conversations with God series by Neale Donald Walsch, which by contrast was totally empowering for me. Those books helped me understand that I was giving away my power by being "obedient" to others higher up in the hierarchy and also to my husband, who was abusing this power and thus mentally abusing me. (Since Mahikari constantly preaches being obedient to your husband because he's the "upstream" of the family, I let him run rough-shod over me for many years until it nearly destroyed me and I finally came to my senses.) I came to understand at a deep level that God helps those who help themselves. We have the power and responsibility to co-create our own reality. We can either step into that and create a wonderful future for ourselves in the way we want, or we can stay stuck and blame a stagnant or unhappy life on all our bad karma or our family's bad karma, or thoughts like "things will be this way as long as it's God's will." If that were true, God wouldn't have given us brains and free will to make decisions for ourselves and to co-create our lives. With Mahikari's focus on "being obedient," it discourages anyone from using his/her brains and free will. So I must ask - if we are only to be obedient, why in fact did God give us brains and free will?

The books also helped me understand how fear-based Mahikari is, and how it uses fear to pull people in more deeply to the organization. This became really clear to me when I told my father, who is also a member, that I planned to leave after a year's worth of careful and private reflection on the matter. He called me twice in the following two weeks to tell me I was making a mistake (I'm 35 years old, had been a member for 12 years, and a Secondary member for 10 of those years) and basically betraying the family. Later he said that "I guess your mom and I will just have to fend for ourselves" and "hopefully God will take care of us anyway." A person's relationship with God is so intensely personal and it's no one else's business. So this reaction really blew me away. But it also made me realize how much fear is used.

Finally as to my comment that Mahikari is sexist, I am a highly successful career woman who has worked her whole life in the public sector, in public service. I have no maternal instincts! Which to me now only means it's not my path this time around. Yet I believe I'm still making a contribution to society. I definitely got the vibe from other members that there's something wrong with me because I'm not having babies or trying to have babies. And the double standards always bothered me - i.e. a male Tai-Cho can serve in that role even if he has a family. A female Tai-Cho has to resign the role if she marries (or maybe it's if she has children? Either way the idea is that the female has to take care of the male in terms of looking after his needs, cooking, cleaning etc. but I didn't ever feel the converse was expected.)

When I talked to the Kanbu to arrange a time to return my Omitama, he asked me lots of questions about whether or not I had really thought about this. We had a long conversation about it. I told him I thought I was on a good path that definitely involved God although not any organized religion, and that frankly I didn't feel the need for an organization to connect me with God since we are all connected automatically, and the connection deepens if we intend it - which I do. I felt very loving as I was saying all this. It was a nice conversation.

I ended up being a bit late to the dojo and called to let the Kanbu know I was running late. When I arrived, I was asked if I would receive #8. I declined. Then the Kanbu asked me to say a prayer with him, and motioned me up to the altar. He motioned that I kneel on the pad right in front of the altar. Then he did the 2 bows/3 claps whole routine with me following along. I was shocked, thinking "didn't he hear anything I said in our phone conversation?" He prayed out loud for the salvation of my soul, sins and impurities of my family, etc. It was so tasteless! At the end he said that now we were going to say the Amatsu Norigoto prayer so if I remembered it I should say it too. I remembered it, but remained silent.

Then we went to the Omitama changing booth. After I removed the Omitama, the Kanbu asked if I felt any different. I said no. He said that sometimes people "feel like they're losing an old friend." Then he asked me how long I had been a Secondary member, how much light I had received lately (I live in a state with no dojo and only a few members), etc. He was obviously gauging how "disturbed" I was. Then he said that when I had called earlier in the evening (to say I was running late) he had hoped that I was calling to tell him I had changed my mind about returning the Omitama. And he said that it would be at the dojo for a year so I could get it back if I wanted. He also said that there would be a Kenshu in September and would I attend? I declined. And finally he said that oftentimes people reconsider and decide to come back to Mahikari.

When I left the dojo, I realized deeply what a goofed up place this is. I found the Kanbu's comments condescending and missionary-like. "I know better than you, and some day you'll come to your senses you poor wayward soul". Of course when I told my father that I returned the Omitama later that day he was clearly ticked off that I had "betrayed the family". But any member reading this would probably say that I'm just "disturbed" and need to receive light more.

How is any of this "of God"???
-Andrea